- n elderly lady who Luann visits from time to time and frequently gives her candid advice. In March 2006 she moved out of her old home and into a new retirement center, but needed the help of Luann, who asked Bernice, Brad, and Toni to help her move out. Dirk followed Toni to the home, and to impress and be near Toni, helped the moving job finish faster; however, when he picked up Mrs. Horner's clock, an envelope full of money fell out, which Dirk pocketed, intending to steal it. He was caught by Brad, he claimed it to be his, but when Brad swiped it at the perfect time to return to Mrs. Horner, Dirk turned his story around and claimed to have found the envelope in the clock and intended to return it to her. He would have been kicked out had Mrs. Horner not believed his lie. She later sold her old home to Nancy and Frank, who began renting to Brad.
- First Appearance: 7/16/2001